Just like the rest of us, Lady has some issues. We adopted her from a shelter about 3 years ago, so we don't know her background, we don't even really know how old she is. Due to some of her behavior, we believe she was abused and neglected, and probably a stray at some point. She's terrified of thunderstorms, fireworks, pots and pans, any and all raised voices, and every other dog in the universe. She is mostly healthy, but we deal with some tummy and skin issues from time to time. Right now, she is one itchy girl. I've been calling her Itchy McItcherson. After a couple of baths with special shampoo and some iodine for the really bad spots, she's doing better. She really hates the iodine. I think it stings. But I use it because it really works to kill the bacteria.
I know at this point you're wondering why I'm writing about my dog and her skin condition. I do have a point, I promise. I assure you, this is not a pet wellness page. But, she's been licking her wounds a lot, sometimes for hours at a time. If we tell her to stop, she just goes under the bed where we can't reach her and keeps licking. She's trying to clean her wounds, it's instinct. The problem is, she's only making herself worse. She licks until it gets infected, and then eventually, she gets sick. Then, I have to resort to the iodine.
Well, here's the problem. Every time I hear her licking, I'm reminded of myself. I have been licking my wounds too. Some difficult life situations have come up. Nothing really serious, just the regular heart aches that come with living and trying to follow God. But, I've been feeling pretty sorry for myself.
I have been thinking a lot about the book The Horse and His Boy by CS Lewis. It's my favorite one of the Narnia series, mostly because of this one scene. The main character, Shasta, has not had an easy life and had been through many recent trials. He was lost, all alone, vulnerable and in a fog where he couldn't see a thing. Then he says out loud to no one in particular, "I do think that I must be the most unfortunate boy that ever lived in the whole world. Everything goes right for everyone except me."
Oh friends, if you only knew how many times I've said those same things. Self pity is a well worn sweatshirt for me. A sweatshirt with a big old hood, pulled up around my face. So comfy and cozy, but oh so isolating. Self pity is an ugly thing, it festers and spreads. It's repulsive to everyone around us, and it only makes things worse. Don't get me wrong, I am 100% for feeling your feelings! I believe in mourning a loss. It's good and healthy to do these things. But there comes a point where self care and self compassion can turn to self pity and then we're in dangerous territory.
Once Shasta starts to shed tears, Aslan, the Great Lion shows up. He says the most loving thing I have ever heard, "Tell me your sorrows." He doesn't say, "Stop feeling sorry for yourself, boy!" He doesn't say, "Everything happens for a reason." He uses none of our usual nonsensical responses to someone in pain. Instead he communicates, "Share your heart with me. I want to hear it. I want to know your feelings. I want to hear what you've been through." He listens patiently, and then this happens:
"I do not call you unfortunate," said the Large Voice.
"Don't you think it was bad luck to meet so many lions?" said Shasta
"There was only one lion," said the Voice.
"What on earth do you mean? I've just told you there were at least two the first night, and -"
"There was only one: but he was swift of foot."
"How do you know?"
"I was the lion." And as Shasta gaped with open mouth and said nothing, the Voice continued. "I was the lion who forced you to join with Aravis. I was the cat who comforted you among the houses of the dead. I was the lion who drove the jackals from you while you slept. I was the lion who gave the Horses the new strength of fear for the last mile so that you should reach King Lune in time. And I was the lion you do not remember who pushed the boat in which you lay, a child near death, so that it came to shore where a man sat, wakeful at midnight, to receive you."
Aslan let Shasta in on the rest of the story, the big picture. He gave him a different perspective, a new way to look at his situation. I recently had a friend do something similar. She reminded me that God wasn't out to hurt me, Satan was trying to make me believe something about God that wasn't true. She did this in a very kind and gentle way, but it really was iodine for my heart. I needed someone to help me get rid of the infection so I could see things more clearly. It might sting a little sometimes, but oh how we need it!
Dear friends, if you are struggling and feeling self pity. Don't tell yourself to suck it up. Don't listen to the people who hard-heartedly tell you to move on. Pour your heart out to God, He wants to hear your sorrows. He wants to hear your struggles and your longings. He cares so much about our hearts. God will give you the change of perspective you need if you're willing to see it. God is up to something bigger than what we can see. We might not get the actual explanation like Shasta did, but he will help us to trust him. And, please share your pain with a trusted friend who can help you see the truth, and let them gently rub some iodine on your heart. It might sting a little, but it will be worth it. God doesn't want you to be alone.
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