Glimpses of Glory in the Middle of My Mess

At first, I didn't see it.  All I saw was ice hanging off my roof.  Evidence of how our house is falling apart little by little.  Evidence of the fall, of ruin, of helplessness.  But then, my sight shifted and I saw it.  How the ice glittered and sparkled.  All lit up like diamonds.

One thing about me, I love sparkly things.  Not over the top sequins and such.  But when nature sparkles, my heart sings!  When the sun hits lake Michigan and it sparkles and shines, something quakes inside me.  When I was a kid playing outside in the snow and it sparkled like diamonds, I would pretend that my back yard was full of diamonds.  I would look through the Witmark catalog and pretend that all the jewelry that was in it was actually a catalog of what my storage room contained and I would pick out what jewelry I wanted to wear that day and send a servant to go get it.  Downton Abby on steroids.

My life is nothing like Downton Abby.  Unless I was one of the kitchen maids.  My life at first glance, is not surrounded by beauty.  It's surrounded by laundry, dirty dishes, dust, pop tart wrappers, meal preparation messes, bills, and recently added dog poop.

Most of my life has been characterized by an accusation.  My heart has screamed this accusation at God and it echos in a vacant soul.  It goes something like this, "God plays favorites, and I am not one of them.  I have been deserted.  Nobody cares, least of all God.  Everybody else will get what they need, but never me.  There's nothing left for me.  God is not faithful.  I have to figure this out on my own."

You may have never known this about me.  I covered it up with lipstick and earrings, a pretty smile and a soft spoken voice.  I used to put on an impressive show.  But, inside I was screaming, "Why not me?  When is it ever gonna be me?"  

Recently, this attitude has crept back into my life.  The difficulties of life have hooked me again.  This attitude and belief is a well worn rut.  It's so easy to drift back in.  When I realized it, I did what I always do.  I take it to God.  I can't figure this stuff out on my own.  My heart is murky and I can't see the bottom.  I need his help to do that.  It's not as pretty as it sounds.  It's raw and ugly, but God can take it.  Moments after I poured my heart out to him, I read this...

"What I am trying to do here is get you to relax, not be so preoccupied with getting so you can respond to God's giving.  People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know God and how he works.  Steep yourself in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions.  You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.  Don't be afraid of missing out.  You're my dearest friends!  The Father wants to give you the very kingdom itself."  Luke 12:29-31 from The Message.

When my kids were babies, sometimes they would get so worked up because of their hunger that even though I had the bottle fixed and in their mouths, they would still cry.  I'd have to jiggle it around in their mouths to get them to realize that there was finally something to suck on, something to satisfy.  That is what God is saying here.  We're so worked up focusing on what we don't have, that we don't even notice that God is right there with us, meeting all our needs, being our constant friend, giving us His very kingdom.

This is not Pollyanna theology here.  Life is messy and it hurts.  Sometimes there's not enough groceries left before the next paycheck comes.  Sometimes God doesn't heal the child you've been begging him to. Sometimes he let's the loved one die.  Sometimes you can't pay the bills.  Sometimes your new business venture fails.

Sara Groves in her song, "Open my Hands," puts it this way,

"I believe in a fountain that will never dry
Though I've thirsted and didn't have enough
Thirst is no measure of his faithfulness
He withholds no good thing from us
No good thing from us, no good thing from us

I will open my hands, will open my heart
I will open my hands, will open my heart
I am nodding my head an emphatic yes
To all that You have for me"

It takes a paradigm shift to see the truth.  It's about surrender.  Am I going to scream at God for what he hasn't given me, or am I going to open my hands and receive what he's given.  Am I going to focus on the ice on my roof, or the sparkles in the ice?  Am I going to focus on the dog poop, or the sweet dog that is so happy to lay on my lap?  The mounds of laundry, or the living, breathing, fun loving children that dirty those clothes?  None of this minimizes the damage to the roof, or the poop or the laundry.  It's all still there.  But God gives us glimpses of his glory in the middle of the mess.  Glimpses of his coming kingdom and it will far outweigh our troubles here.